0 1st 5 Pages December Workshop - First Revisions Up for Comments

The following five posts are the first set of revisions submitted by our December First Five Pages Workshop participants. Hopefully, they have considered and applied the suggestions from last week that rang true for them, and these pages are already much stronger. But, as we all know, revision is a process. So....

Please help out the participants by commenting. What's working? What's not working? Are you hooked? Would you buy this if  you saw it as a sample at Amazon? Read it on First Page Panda?

Jump in everyone! Comment away.

Happy reading,

Martina and Lisa